Hard Conversations
End-of-life wishes — saying it while they can still say it
Dementia gives families a long runway to talk about end of life. Most families never use it. The conversation feels heavy — but it relieves the heaviest weight later.
Updated 2026-02-20
Documents to have
- Advance directive (living will) — broad wishes about life support.
- Healthcare POA — names a decision-maker.
- POLST / MOLST — physician orders specifying CPR, intubation, antibiotics, feeding tube. Pink/bright-colored, lives on the fridge.
- Five Wishes — a friendlier values-based document many families find easier to start with.
Questions to walk through together
- What does "a good day" look like to you now? What would make it not a good day anymore?
- If you couldn't recognize family — would you want everything done, or comfort?
- Hospital vs at home for the last weeks?
- What music, smells, voices do you want around you?
Frequently asked questions
- Should mom have a feeding tube in advanced dementia?
- Most expert guidelines (AGS, AAHPM) recommend against feeding tubes in advanced dementia — they don't extend life and add complications. Hand-feeding is gentler. Talk with the medical team early.
Every dementia journey is different.
Memory Lane Care helps you understand what applies to your loved one, what to expect next, and which resources fit your family's situation.
Related across the journey
Memory Lane connects every part of dementia care. Here's how this topic threads into the rest.
Paying for Care
Resources
GUIDE
Treatments
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