Learning
Anticipatory grief
You're losing someone in pieces — a memory here, a personality trait there. That grief is real, valid, and unavoidable. It's also survivable.
Updated 2026-02-27
Written and clinically reviewed by Ashlee Skabla Velez, APRN, ACNPC-AG
Dementia care and caregiver-support specialist
Need help applying this to your situation?
What anticipatory grief looks like
- Crying at the version of them you remember from last year.
- Guilt about wanting it to be 'over.'
- Numbness — feeling nothing when you think you should feel something.
- Anger at the disease, at family, at the universe.
- Anxiety about what comes next, even when nothing is happening.
Why it gets harder, not easier
Anticipatory grief isn't linear. It often gets harder in middle-stage — when the person is still 'them' just enough that the losses sting sharply.
What helps
- Name it. Telling someone 'I'm grieving' makes it survivable. It's not depression, but they overlap.
- Memory-keeping — record voice memos of stories, save handwriting.
- Permission to feel relief alongside sadness. Both are true.
- Caregiver-grief support groups — many are free through hospice agencies even before hospice is needed.
Frequently asked questions
- Is it normal to feel guilty for grieving?
- Yes. You haven't 'lost' them yet by some definitions, so caregivers often feel grief shouldn't apply. It does. Honor it.
- Will grief be easier when they die?
- Often the immediate weeks are calmer because the day-to-day strain stops. But fresh waves of grief can come months later. Plan for support.
Every dementia journey is different.
Memory Lane Care helps you understand what applies to your loved one, what to expect next, and which resources fit your family's situation.
Need help applying this to your situation?
Related across the journey
Memory Lane connects every part of dementia care. Here's how this topic threads into the rest.
Paying for Care
Hard Conversations
Resources
Treatments
Behavior Guidance
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